Accidentally speaking

I’m a sucker for adventure sports and my white-water rafting trip was absolutely rapturous! The adrenaline rush, the spray of water on my face, the rhythm of the rowing, and exploring the underwater wildlife... after I’d launched myself headlong into the river!

Luckily, my brain didn’t go numb from the cold water and I held up my oar to indicate where I was. My boat-mates yanked, dragged and hauled me back on.

Most people return from a vacation or a trip with souvenirs and loads of cheerful anecdotes. I come laden with a collection of bumps, bruises and burns.

But, hey... rafting is one of those dangerous activities, right? Accidents are a part of the deal. However, when I just topple off my chair on a daily basis, these dangerous activity excuses just fall flat.[1] Especially after I have been involved in knocking my head on my computer screen, tripping over my own left foot and walking into a road sign.[2]

No wonder my friend once wrote about me:

FUN n ACCIDENT-PRONE...n if you stay around her long enough, u better have insurance!

Being outdoorsy, I always tried to participate in sports at school. At the start of the running race, when the gun was fired and most kids are seen zooming away – I slipped and fell and lay smelling the grass. And during volleyball, I invariably blocked with my face. When I’d had enough, I resigned to a more placid activity, like chess. It was nice, quiet and bruise-less, until I elegantly knocked the chessmen off the board![3]

Once in a blue moon, my adult instincts do take over and I do manage to walk around like a normal person. You know – when the left foot steps forward, the right one eventually follows. It fills me with pride and I feel no less than a super-hero! What with my ability to navigate protruding pieces of furniture successfully and to move an object from point A to point B without so much as a dent. And just as I’m marveling over my cat-like reflexes, my SO chooses to slam the door on my delicate, innocent little finger![4]

I have come to realize that I can’t even get through a meal without trying to maim myself with the spoon – and I have come to believe that I am the inspiration for Murphy’s Law.[5] And there’s no point trying to make anything fool-proof. I’m just too talented a fool!

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[1] Only I understand the perils of an innocent looking plastic chair.

[2] One particular day I walked into a sign in the middle of the street. Funny how the sign read ‘detour’ and my feet refused to.

[3] This time it was my opponent who chose to bruise me.

[4] A gruesome incident that left one person seriously injured and another desperately apologetic.

[5] It has also been suggested that I’m just plain stupid. But, I plan to ignore such statements just as I did the road sign.