I can't fight it
However hard I try
There's a force
Unknown, uncelebrated
I decide to fight it
But then I succumb
I curse, I fume
I vow to amend
And not to despair
But as much as I try
I can't get my ass off this chair!
_
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Bridezillas à la rhyme
Bridezilla: (Bride+Godzilla) A mutation found among women planning their own weddings, craving attention and becoming monstrously obnoxious, demanding or stressed out in the quest for 'their perfect dream weddings'.
There once was a bride – incredibly happy
Remarkably romantic and astoundingly sappy
Recited her 'perfect' fairy tale
Until it was tired and stale
Everyone around couldn't feel more crappy
There once was a bride – so whiney
Complained that her ring was too tiny
That her face wasn't fair
That the groom wasn't debonair
And that her hair was not suitably shiny
There once was a bride – loved to coordinate
Anything less would make her irate
Her nails, the décor, the band
If only the groom had followed plan
He would not be standing alone at the gate
There once was a bride – in despair
Hated anything she would ever wear
So, she over-stuffed her bra
And yelled hip hip hurrah
Alas, her dress couldn't help but tear
There once was a bride – a fitness freak
Worked very hard to tone her physique
But she went over-board
Until she was seen no more
So, the guests played hide-and-go-seek
There once was a bride – with grand dreams
Expenditure growing to the extreme
Splurged away to the last dime
To make it ‘the’ wedding of all time
Who needs 401(k)s or savings schemes
_
There once was a bride – incredibly happy
Remarkably romantic and astoundingly sappy
Recited her 'perfect' fairy tale
Until it was tired and stale
Everyone around couldn't feel more crappy
There once was a bride – so whiney
Complained that her ring was too tiny
That her face wasn't fair
That the groom wasn't debonair
And that her hair was not suitably shiny
There once was a bride – loved to coordinate
Anything less would make her irate
Her nails, the décor, the band
If only the groom had followed plan
He would not be standing alone at the gate
There once was a bride – in despair
Hated anything she would ever wear
So, she over-stuffed her bra
And yelled hip hip hurrah
Alas, her dress couldn't help but tear
There once was a bride – a fitness freak
Worked very hard to tone her physique
But she went over-board
Until she was seen no more
So, the guests played hide-and-go-seek
There once was a bride – with grand dreams
Expenditure growing to the extreme
Splurged away to the last dime
To make it ‘the’ wedding of all time
Who needs 401(k)s or savings schemes
_
Monday, July 07, 2008
How low can you go?
It's one of those days - the clouds are gray... and my hair is bigger than the state of Rhode Island. Is that all it takes to turn my smile upside down, u ask. No, no, I reply. I can't really put my finger on it. (Not on my hair, the reason for my frown.)
It's how jobs and marriages take us so far that just getting together with gal pals requires a 5-year plan.
It's how agonizing the curve to proving our capabilities is and how easily some people b.s. through it.
It's what my life is meant for... to help save the environment?... or to come up with the best way to nap? (...which could be pretty world-changing).
Or it could very well be this hangnail I've been chewing at all morning!
It's people who walk by my office calling me 'smiley'.
It's people who don't leave their trash out on Fridays and stink up the place by Monday.
It's people who mercilessly drive over little creatures on the roads.
It's people who won't stop talking about gas prices.
It's people who can't stop complaining... o wait... that's me.
It's one of those days when I feel like leaving the majority of the money-making to my significant other and taking up a low-stress career: like baby-sitting. Why not? I love babies. And I love them even more when they sit.
It's just one of those days!
_
It's how jobs and marriages take us so far that just getting together with gal pals requires a 5-year plan.
It's how agonizing the curve to proving our capabilities is and how easily some people b.s. through it.
It's what my life is meant for... to help save the environment?... or to come up with the best way to nap? (...which could be pretty world-changing).
Or it could very well be this hangnail I've been chewing at all morning!
It's people who walk by my office calling me 'smiley'.
It's people who don't leave their trash out on Fridays and stink up the place by Monday.
It's people who mercilessly drive over little creatures on the roads.
It's people who won't stop talking about gas prices.
It's people who can't stop complaining... o wait... that's me.
It's one of those days when I feel like leaving the majority of the money-making to my significant other and taking up a low-stress career: like baby-sitting. Why not? I love babies. And I love them even more when they sit.
It's just one of those days!
_
Monday, June 30, 2008
Un-common cents
With everything costing me an arm and a leg these days, my brain seems to be in financial overdrive – constantly adding up dollars and cents and drawing up comparative analyses to explain why cooking a potato subji for dinner is more financially sound than going out to get that roasted eggplant Panini with cheese. Also, I wouldn't want a ticket for driving back with just one arm and one leg.
I get a 'bargain-high' when I buy $200 worth of groceries to get a $5 Old Navy gift card or drive an extra 12 miles for gas that's 2 cents cheaper . And, I ogle at the points adding up on my frequent buyer programs. A little voice inside my head applauds me and I do a happy dance. The feeling takes me back to the days of haggling at Mumbai's Fashion Street where the thrill of getting the bargain transcended the disappointment of the clothes being a few sizes too big or the shoes whittling away at my ankles. It reminds me of the dizzy feeling of getting through the school inspection with long fingernails. (Yes, I am documenting this in case I need therapy)
I do digress, this story is about financial awareness. To meet this end , I had set up an elaborate Excel spreadsheet to document, categorize and grade my expenses and I had set up a much more elaborate presentation on why my seemingly improvident significant other should be doing the same. After several hundred sarcastic & pointed remarks, I got him to cave - only to find out that he has already reached financial moksha. His devilish indulgement in Saravana Bhavans and beer turned out to be completely harmless against my sporadic splurges at shoe sales and cosmetic counters.
On having realized this and being forced to eat crow (probably all I can afford right now... as he shops for a new car!), my poor penny-pincher brain has taken quite a blow. Could be another reason for therapy. Hence, my blog.
_
I get a 'bargain-high' when I buy $200 worth of groceries to get a $5 Old Navy gift card or drive an extra 12 miles for gas that's 2 cents cheaper . And, I ogle at the points adding up on my frequent buyer programs. A little voice inside my head applauds me and I do a happy dance. The feeling takes me back to the days of haggling at Mumbai's Fashion Street where the thrill of getting the bargain transcended the disappointment of the clothes being a few sizes too big or the shoes whittling away at my ankles. It reminds me of the dizzy feeling of getting through the school inspection with long fingernails. (Yes, I am documenting this in case I need therapy)
I do digress, this story is about financial awareness. To meet this end , I had set up an elaborate Excel spreadsheet to document, categorize and grade my expenses and I had set up a much more elaborate presentation on why my seemingly improvident significant other should be doing the same. After several hundred sarcastic & pointed remarks, I got him to cave - only to find out that he has already reached financial moksha. His devilish indulgement in Saravana Bhavans and beer turned out to be completely harmless against my sporadic splurges at shoe sales and cosmetic counters.
On having realized this and being forced to eat crow (probably all I can afford right now... as he shops for a new car!), my poor penny-pincher brain has taken quite a blow. Could be another reason for therapy. Hence, my blog.
_
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Happy Mother's Day :)
This is awesome!
P.S.
Why don’t you offer to help?
Learn to pick up after yourself!
This is a house and not a hotel!
Don’t walk away! Are you deaf?
How can you waste your food?
People will think that you are rude!
Be grateful for what you have!
There are hungry kids everywhere!
Why can’t you score as much as him?
Why play tennis? Why not swim?
Smile! Don’t always be so grim!
Your hair needs more than just a trim!
_
P.S.
Why don’t you offer to help?
Learn to pick up after yourself!
This is a house and not a hotel!
Don’t walk away! Are you deaf?
How can you waste your food?
People will think that you are rude!
Be grateful for what you have!
There are hungry kids everywhere!
Why can’t you score as much as him?
Why play tennis? Why not swim?
Smile! Don’t always be so grim!
Your hair needs more than just a trim!
_
Saturday, May 10, 2008
It's a 'knotty' world out there
The wedding season is upon us. Among all my high-school/college-mates, it's now a (much-too-often-repeated) question of 'when'. With all the knots being tied, I couldn't help but list the typical two-somes that I often come across.
The Vintage Pair: The high-school sweethearts or the college couplet who offer everyone they meet voluntary relationship counsel and attempt to 'cure' their single friends. When surrounded by multiple couples that fall under this category, the air is usually thick with competition accompanied by such long-drawn explanations about 'the right time to wed' that you wish you had powerpoint slides to get lost in.
The Matrimony Whammy: Before you can sing a line of "shaayad meri shaadi ka khayal…" (translation: maybe the thought of my wedding) they're uploading the honeymoon album on orkut. No mangani (engagement), fast byaah (wedding). This occurrence tends to leave the swiftly-hitched happily dazed. However, the whammy-fied friends are now extra alert not to be blind-sided again. Every nubile individual will notice a sharp rise in nosey orkut profile visitors.
The Not-so-Newlyweds: Having been married for almost half a dozen years, they now attempt to re-live their weddings vicariously through the new bakras. They set up a rendezvous of their single friends with other similar-statused individuals, narrate proposal stories of possibly-invented friends, fortuitously mention jewelry sales and furtively bet on which one of these new-born-alliances will be the first to the alter.
The AECDs: American Employed Completely-rushed Desis: The young professionals in America who are trying to conjure up vacation time in order to turn up jet-lagged for their wedding day in India. A large percentage of the arrangements are managed online and then out-sourced to parents and siblings. The two week trip includes shopping for outfits, a dozen pre- & post-wedding ceremonies and an occasional visa interview... and the 15 hr stop-over in Milan during the return flight counts as a honeymoon!
_
The Vintage Pair: The high-school sweethearts or the college couplet who offer everyone they meet voluntary relationship counsel and attempt to 'cure' their single friends. When surrounded by multiple couples that fall under this category, the air is usually thick with competition accompanied by such long-drawn explanations about 'the right time to wed' that you wish you had powerpoint slides to get lost in.
The Matrimony Whammy: Before you can sing a line of "shaayad meri shaadi ka khayal…" (translation: maybe the thought of my wedding) they're uploading the honeymoon album on orkut. No mangani (engagement), fast byaah (wedding). This occurrence tends to leave the swiftly-hitched happily dazed. However, the whammy-fied friends are now extra alert not to be blind-sided again. Every nubile individual will notice a sharp rise in nosey orkut profile visitors.
The Not-so-Newlyweds: Having been married for almost half a dozen years, they now attempt to re-live their weddings vicariously through the new bakras. They set up a rendezvous of their single friends with other similar-statused individuals, narrate proposal stories of possibly-invented friends, fortuitously mention jewelry sales and furtively bet on which one of these new-born-alliances will be the first to the alter.
The AECDs: American Employed Completely-rushed Desis: The young professionals in America who are trying to conjure up vacation time in order to turn up jet-lagged for their wedding day in India. A large percentage of the arrangements are managed online and then out-sourced to parents and siblings. The two week trip includes shopping for outfits, a dozen pre- & post-wedding ceremonies and an occasional visa interview... and the 15 hr stop-over in Milan during the return flight counts as a honeymoon!
_
Friday, April 04, 2008
Spring Cleaning
I didn't lose my passion for words – just my laptop – in the maze that is my life.
I never throw anything away. Sentimentality is my excuse. But, when I found this laptop under a half eaten cheese sandwich, I realized that it's time for spring cleaning. Another very valid reason is the fact that my apartment had recently flooded (thanks to an over-zealous faucet in the apartment above me) and I consider floating cheese sandwiches a strict no-no when it comes to home décor.
Right when I thought I was re-modeling my life to fit a more grown-up lifestyle, I have to give up my cool bachelorette pad and move into a paying-guest accommodation. I have to admit, though, that moving into the afore-mentioned bachelorette pad was a result of 4 hours to house-hunt while driving around in a U-haul full of my stuff. People seem to insinuate that I should take this opportunity to re-evaluate my options… a tad less hurried.
Is this transitory move to smaller digs a good thing? I'll get to that soon. Once I'm done with pondering over the benefit of earning airline miles on my credit cards and the need for comprehensive insurance on my used car.
At the least, I am now left with no choice but to weed out over-used/useless/never-ever-used/maybe-I-can-find-a-use items from my life. Maybe I will finally experience the better life that is rumored to come with a reduction in clutter and take some time to finish my sandwich.
_
I never throw anything away. Sentimentality is my excuse. But, when I found this laptop under a half eaten cheese sandwich, I realized that it's time for spring cleaning. Another very valid reason is the fact that my apartment had recently flooded (thanks to an over-zealous faucet in the apartment above me) and I consider floating cheese sandwiches a strict no-no when it comes to home décor.
Right when I thought I was re-modeling my life to fit a more grown-up lifestyle, I have to give up my cool bachelorette pad and move into a paying-guest accommodation. I have to admit, though, that moving into the afore-mentioned bachelorette pad was a result of 4 hours to house-hunt while driving around in a U-haul full of my stuff. People seem to insinuate that I should take this opportunity to re-evaluate my options… a tad less hurried.
Is this transitory move to smaller digs a good thing? I'll get to that soon. Once I'm done with pondering over the benefit of earning airline miles on my credit cards and the need for comprehensive insurance on my used car.
At the least, I am now left with no choice but to weed out over-used/useless/never-ever-used/maybe-I-can-find-a-use items from my life. Maybe I will finally experience the better life that is rumored to come with a reduction in clutter and take some time to finish my sandwich.
_
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
visits since July 22, 2006 